Changes

Tomorrow is my last day of finals. I have one at 8:30am and then after that I have some time to finish cleaning my room before I leave for the summer. I’m filled with mixed emotions. On one hand, I cannot wait to go home and have a summer with my parents, friends, family, and work; on the other hand, I’m going to miss this place and the lovely people that populate it. 

This year has been one of immense change for me. I’ve felt in-between places for so long that some of the feelings I’m going through today have been rough. I’ve grown up and sometimes that’s scary.

I’ve met so many amazing people. I, for the first time ever, have a big “family” of friends who love me and all my awkwardness. We’ve gone through a lot together this year. From my anxiety, to a friend’s admirable struggle with body image issues (a friend who is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out), to the death of a friend’s close family member. We’ve struggled with school and stress. We’ve struggled with which movie to watch (which doesn’t seem like much, but can be when no one cares what is watched because, hey, we’re all together). We’ve grown in our faith in God and in each other.

I’ve dealt with an entire semester of not being with my parents all the time. I’ve grown up in that respect too. The time I have with them is so precious, that I’ve learned to ask “Is this a fight that’s worth something?” Usually the answer is no. When I was so down on myself about thinking I couldn’t finish my final paper in time to turn it in, my dad told me I could. And because of that… I did. I didn’t get much sleep last night because of it, but I did it. When I’ve had bad nights that led to bad days, my mom could talk me through it.

I’ve learned that social media isn’t the only way to live life. What matters are the moments. The lunches and dinners with friends. The nights after IVCF where we just stand there for half an hour talking. Being able to ask for prayer from a friend and, with no judgment, getting it. Finding weird little things that I thought were just me and realizing that a friend does the same things or feels the same way. 

I’m not the person I was when I came to this little school on the Minnesota prairie. I know without question that I’ve become a better, kinder person who can take on the world. I know that I am loved by others. I’m kind of apprehensive about going home because of that fact. Will my friends still be my friends? Will things with my parents be okay this summer? Will I be okay this summer?

I’m going to miss my friends here terribly. The good thing is that I know with certainty that when we all get together for the first time next fall, it will be amazing and wonderful. There is absolutely no question.

I miss you guys already.